A Woman's Work
by BlueRetroPenguin
Summary: After many failed attempts by pilots of the Federation, the Feds get sick of it and call in the sexi- I mean strongest bounty hunter in the galaxy to do their dirty work. Again.


**A Woman's Work**

**From BRP: C'mon now. Everyone shoulda seen this coming. I mean, put Metroid & FTL side by side and Subset Games will look more like thieves of the gaming market rather than heroes of it. The Federation, space pirates, missiles as common currency (ok that last one was a stretch but don't even get me **_**STARTED**_** on how the Engi are just Half-Life Vortigaunt rip-offs.)**

** But instead of unmasking the fiends, in honor of their flawless victory I've decided to write a rare cross-over of the two games. Only the most die-hard fans will find this lurking in the depths, but hopefully whoever you are will enjoy it. Or cringe at it.**

**Either works for me.**

A Woman's Work

_Receiving a call from the Federation to come clean up some of their trash for them wasn't new. With all the latest advances in FTL tech, space pirates were running rampant amongst the stars, causing just enough trouble for the Feds to call in Samus Aran. _

_Again. _

_This time, the pirates had just slipped into the Galactic Civil War taking up Area 2. Seeing opportunity in every anarchy, most had decided to stay and stick it to the Feds. The space pirate to (legit) bounty hunter ratio was pretty slim in the day (much like the male to female census upon the Federation Cruiser), so after much careful deliberation-_

**Mr. Guy to Colonel Manly:**

"But sir… she's a… a woman!"

"Captain, don't you think I know that? I mean, look at the spandex. And dat-"

"Sir, with all due respect, sir, don't you think this is man's work, sir?"

"Tell that to the hundreds of crushed Kestrel cruisers we have floating around the galaxies right now. No, we need something harder, better, faster, stronger-"

"Our work is never over"

"-and with way more sex appeal than the few pixels we've been allotted. Samus Aran made 8bit sexy in the 80's, she can do it again now!"

_-the sexi- I mean strongest bounty hunter in the Area was put to work._

_Samus Aran arrived in her ship within the next few days, boarding the Federation Cruiser to a great fan-fare by the (_majority male_) crew, while a couple of the ladies hung back in mock disinterest._

"Oh my gawd Becky, Look at her butt."

"It is so- wait, why are we looking at her butt again?"

_True, Samas descended from her cabin in only her Zero Suit, not exactly expecting the One Direction (_or maybe only hovering around Doctor Who_) level of fandom exerted by the male staff aboard the ship._

"Holy Kestrel, you're my greatest hero, Samus!"

"I want to be just like you one day! I'm even getting hor-"

"Can you sign my ship?

"-my boot?"

"-my child?"

"-my third nipple?"

"I heard you had a secret torture chamber level where you used-"

"So, about tomorrow night?"

_By the time she had gotten fully out of the ship Samus had broken out the whip and hit the ground hard with a resounding WHAP!, causing all the men to take a step back or five and all the women to raise an eyebrow, impressed. All was silent except for a mumble heard from the back of the hoard._

"I like it rough…"

_The whip went flying, slashing the speaker with perfect precision across the face, sending him, and only him, sprawling onto the ground, to be picked up later by some Engi. Samus glared back at the rest of the captivated audience, and soon the women in the back cheered and all the men slumped a little more and returned to their work. Just in time for Captain Manly to show up._

"Ah, yes, Samus Aran, greatest bounty hunter in the entire universe, spanning over seven consoles and in the double digits in wonderful sequels, excluding that atrocity Other M. But we've moved on from that, haven't we?"

"Excuse me?" _Samus Aran stared blankly back, having received extensive therapy to suppress those memories._

"Oh good. Well then your task, should you choose to accept it, is to deliver this message."

"A message?" _Samus raised an eyebrow._

"Yes, a message, to the opposite side of the universe. Even in the age of Faster Than Light travel we still can't seem to encrypt a simple e-mail across space."

"An … e-mail."

"That's right. Through multiple pirate and Rebel infested sectors, filled with unstable suns and haunting nebula. We'd prefer you take the route with the most Rebel scum so we can rub it in their faces later, but once you're out of this sector you'll have no contact with this cruiser what-so-ever.

_Samus simply stayed silent and took the envelope handed to her._ "Ah, the wonders of snail mail." _The captain breathed deeply, ripe with nostalgia. _

_Samus glared._


End file.
